Catechism of Cliche (7) The Learning Exhibition

So here I am at the Learning Exhibition. What a lot of brochures in the carrier bag I have been given.

What unpronouncable basis do you have for your consultancy?

– we’re strengths-based (say it slowly)

I’m pleased to do that. It’s still quicker to say than a weaknesses-based consultancy. Upon what acronym are you focused?

ROI

What do you do to your clients?

Really understand them

And what else, of a surrounding and embattling nature, do you really understand?

Their competitive environment

In so doing, what signifier of merit, worth or importance do you add?

Value

And in what way do you add this?

Truly

What distance, perhaps unexpectedly and to all intents and purposes superfluously, do you go in this endeavour?

The extra mile

That does seem excessive. What does it exceed?

Client expectations

Very good. Moving on. You sir, what will you provide my staff with?

Upgrades.

Upgrades? What attributes of my staff will be upgraded?

Their employee skills

What longevous quality will these upgrades have, perhaps reducing the need for repeat business?

They will be long-lasting

Moving on to you, what would you like me to contemplate?

Our platform

I am standing thereupon.

Not that platform, this platform

What are its points of prominence?

It is cloud-based, collaborative and multi-device

Quite. And you there, what intimate relationship, of a nature unlikely to be found in Eastenders, do you wish to form with me?

Your trusted partner

By what motive power are you carried forward?

We are driven by achieving the results you want

In what mouth-measurable and carefully combined artefacts do you specialise?

Bite-sized blended training solutions

And coming to you, madam, how do you bring Karl Marx’s vision into the 21st century?

We enable fast workforce empowerment

For the workers of the world?

Yes, we provide global strategic alignment

What service do you offer which may be of interest to the as yet unborn?

Next generation digital learning solutions

How long have you been offering this?

Spanning almost two decades

Ah – that’s what I was searching for – the exit.